i want to vent.
but i don't know how to anymore.

i just want to cry.
all the time.
i haven't felt like this in a while.

i want to go on and on about my problems.
whine about all my pains.

i want to quit being the one swallowing my pride and apologizing.
despite how much i may mean it.
i'm tired of saying sorry all the time.

i'm human.
i mess up.
i mess up big.

so don't expect anything more.

hot men.

i want to kiss them and drink apple juice.

i've got a pain in my side.
maybe it's similar to me bearing the thorn.
i am a saint you know.

my kidney and i go back to the doctor today.
this is sad but i hope it's something mildly serious.
i hate going and them saying "it's nothing, give it time."
and truth be told i either want to be dead or gone and dead is a little more likely at this current moment.
so lets pray for kidney cancer.

honestly i think i may just need a stronger antibiotic.
or that i am imagining things.
or all the tension in my back is making everything hurt.
and i don't really want to go.


but i don't want to go to work either.
ever again really.
just because they don't let things go.
lately i'm around enough people who can't.
i'm tired of talking about the past...
i'm just ready to go forward.

i make a lot of mistakes.
i'm good until i'm not and when i'm not i'm pretty terrible.
it's exhausting for me, but i imagine more so for a million other people.
i'm tired of saying no to everyone.
of not being ok.
everyone told me to be selfish.
it really didn't turn out so well.

i'm so tired.
shakey.
gross.
i like matching underwear.